Large numbers of Volleys pass through airports these days and apparently this presents an opportunity for terrorism and other forms of crime.

Some say this is due to the number of feet being about twice the number of people and as we know people in their own right pose a great threat, probably more than shoes.

So as part of the overall screening process, a sample of people, and their shoes, are selected to undergo testing using an explosive trace detection machine. The machine has the ability to detect extremely small traces of compounds such as ammonium nitrate, which is commonly used on farms as a high-nitrogen fertilizer but some bad people use it as an agent in a very popular explosive. 

The lesson to be learnt here, if you are a Dunlop Volley, is not to tread in shit which can be easily confused with fertilizer, which can then lead to a full round of questioning and body searching. Well this is what happened to me.

It’s not so bad now relaxing at home, having a glass of red, but when I tested “double positive” security repeatedly questioned me on my whereabouts, what I did, who I was with and would I consent to a full search by a person of the same sex, (it seems that a person of another sex was not an option), it then  gets pretty hairy and it’s all done in front of the other passengers.

I could hear them talking about me as they repeatedly brushed me down and frisked my body.

 “Looks like you’ve trodden in fertilizer.” said the security guard

 Well mate that’s my job, that’s what DVs do. We tread in the shit so it doesn’t get on his feet. “Get real”, was what I wanted to yell, but all I could think of was ways to ease anxiety during a cavity search. (Lucky they skipped that procedure)

Having done me over several times and made me fill in the paper work I was let go and now I’m happy and safe resting on the deck.

I’ll probably still travel by air but I’ll watch where I tread.

Recently a man was seen with a boot up his arse but authorities say this incident was in no way connected to the Volley incident at the Gold Coast Airport.



  1. Ah, are these your dark evil twins? (Actually I like them a lot to the point of jealousy! Very nice.)

    And your story, oh my, I might almost say “ouch” but glad there isn’t that need. All such fuss for simply stepping in something ripe! Gone are the days when the ground crew played football catch on the tarmac while the plane landed, turned to taxi in as they brought the game back down to the terminal. I miss those days. Could kind of wish there was a big bulletin board at the airport gates where stories, ripe like this, could be posted for all to see.

    Glad to hear your voice having fun, making the best of mud pies again. And I think you might be onto something here, traveling the world from the point of view of a pair of DV’s. Perhaps it’s a “theme”! Good good.

    • Yes Neil…you could be right …a walking trip overseas could be just the thing for the evil twins ….ebony and ivory…maybe all the sneakers of the world might unite and make us follow in their footsteps…or is that solesteps

  2. I really do like the way your laces flop, whilst you relax and unwind. The DV are like a mirror of your soul reflecting your wanderings and keeping you grounded.

    What a great experience at the airport, all thanks to the DV’s that wanted to take the earth to the sky.

    Keep on walking, don’t stop talking…

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