I’ve known Larry since he was a seedling. I’ve nurtured him like he was one of the family and although it’s true that I always planned to eat him that doesn’t excuse his current behaviour.
With the onset of the warm weather Larry began to grow quickly and a week or so ago I inadvertently left a bottle of salad dressing on the table. Well by the next day his size had rapidly increased and he had befriended these two flower buddies.
The three of them are as thick as a hedge and have taken over my reading bench. There’s hardly any room for me to rest my coffee when enjoying a book and I can feel them collectively waving their leafage at me. I feel intimidated, bullied and generally apprehensive.
When I sit in the lounge room enjoying a bit of television I know they are staring at me. As a result I’ve been forced to lock the balcony door and at night I leave the deck light on just to be safe.
He pretends he’s a flower and I reckon he probably thinks he’ll escape the salad bowl if he hangs around with these guys. I don’t get fooled that easy. I can tell green from blue and I know his frilly ruffled leaves are meant for munching.
Trying to see his side of the argument I went to the ultimate authority, yes Wikipedia, and as it turns out Larry the Lettuce isn’t as dumb as I thought he was. Apparently Larry the Lettuce is an annual plant of the daisy family. Yes a DAISY!!!
He’s doing my head in. Is he a flower or is he a meal?